So not everyone gets a marriage proposal tbh, some of us were just really a happy couple in a relationship that mutually agreed to settle down, no ring, no surprise, just a decision and follow up corresponding actions to make that happen!
Public or Private Wedding?
Big wedding? Small Wedding? Social media wedding? I must confess at the time of our deciding to get married my husband was a more known personality, call him a public figure especially in areas of digital innovation and technology and we had managed to enjoy almost 5years of a very quiet and social media shy relationship.
It had worked okay for us so far, but this was marriage, I mean, the whole world needed to know that I was his wife! right? So even though I wasn’t up for an extravagant wedding I wanted, more of Him making a statement you know… and then He comes and says “i’d like to have a private wedding, no social media posts, just family and a few close friends and i was like uuuhhhmm ohkaaaaayyyy…
Trust me in my head, “he’s trying to hide me, he doesn’t want people to know, you know how these social butterflies can be especially when they have the girls flocking all around them hihihihihihiiiii… Some part of me was inclined to keeping it hush hush, but some other part just didn’t want to.
I remember we had a whole conversation about why we would be sparing ourselves all the unnecessary distractions if we would just focus on us two getting married. Besides it was not a community project. And what mattered more? “that the world thought that he loved me” or ” that he actually loved me and i could see and feel and was enjoying it?” You choose!
Pay attention to this scripture…
“Now, in these last sentences, I want to emphasize in the bold scrawls of my personal handwriting the immense importance of what I have written to you. These people who are attempting to force the ways of circumcision on you have only one motive: They want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ’s suffering and death. All their talk about the law is gas. They themselves don’t keep the law! And they are highly selective in the laws they do observe. They only want you to be circumcised so they can boast of their success in recruiting you to their side. That is contemptible!”
Galatians 6:11-13 MSG
Funny how i found this scripture… to make my point. The context of the scripture suggests that Paul was addressing a section of the believers who were not committed to living the christian life from the heart and therefore liked to make a show of their circumcision so that others will see that they were christians.
Here’s what i think about whether or not you should have a public, private, intimate or social media wedding?
Do you want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that nurtures a truly healthy marriage?
Are you both truly committed to your union? Do you love each other and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work? Is it then really necessary to “showcase your union to people who do not care a minute about your welfare? is it really necessary to broadcast your intents to people who will not for a moment say a prayer for the welfare of your marriage?
Someone once said “people who are truly rich do not try to prove that they are rich! It is poor people who buy expensive things that carry representations of the wealth they seek to portray themselves as wealthy because truly, they are not!“
There is truly nothing wrong with having a flashy or posh wedding, however as a new couple who are now about to experience and explore the field of marriage, to face its challenges and overcome its battles, my own advice after just a year of marriage is to cut the show and focus on the real integrity of the marriage.
Remember that when a tree is fruiting it doesn’t have to invite people to it, those who see it’s fruit will gather to it!
In retrospect I am more than glad that i went with my husband’s preference of a private wedding. It blessed us with the opportunity to build a solid foundation for our marriage, just us alone, without too much intrusion and social media voices 😂😂😂, built a strong friendship and safe place for each other to cushion us against future challenges.
I hope you are able to focus on what is truly important for the survival of your union and not just the appearance of it. Choose well!
Xo
Zoe 🌟