A few years ago when i was actively dating, one of my favorite questions to ask men i dated was “what would you do if we had just recovered from a war and systems were all broken down and nothing was working? How would you survive?”
I mostly used that question to ascertain how resilient or how creatively a man could think in terms of being able to take the most hopeless situation and make something of it. I’m a believer in life, that as long as you have life you can make a difference and so i always looked out for someone who could see that level of possibilities as long as they were alive.
And I’m a very strong headed person, so I couldn’t stand a man who wasn’t strong… and by strong I meant someone who was open to figure out life on their own terms. I didn’t want someone who’s only solution to financial sustenance was working for someone, cos that wasn’t a very strong option for me.
I remember I once lost my crush on this amazing guy cos he couldn’t see Himself starting His own business etc. I couldn’t deal with that! But note that finding that kind of man definitely came at a cost and was i ready to pay it? Hell yeah I was!
One more thing i didn’t ask but observed for was to see the person’s heart towards God! was God his pillar? Something like that cannot be observed on the face so i had to look deeper, from what God had to say, to the deepest thoughts of his heart. Sometimes i would ask all these nagging and difficult questions just to know where his heart was on things because i was not about to risk marrying a man who wouldn’t support me doing ministry! And thank God mine is an absolute God-lover!
““Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you’re going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: ‘He started something he couldn’t finish.’”
Luke 14:28-30 MSG
I remember when I started dating my husband, my mentor spoke to me and said, “you know the type of man He is He will mostly be out on business, that means you’re not going to get as much physical attention from Him… are you ready to deal with that?” People of God, as if she was prophesying… a week after our wedding He had his suitcase and was on His way out of the country on business. It was like that for a greater part of the beginning months of our marriage… was I surprised? No! because that was the man i wanted, a driven man! a man who was making things happen! was i happy about it? No!🥹 but that was the cost of having the kind of man he was – I had to learn to accept it and enjoy my times by myself when He was absent.
I learnt to enjoy His absence so much that one time on His way back, I wished He was staying a few more days. Then when he arrived I was so happy i completely forgot about my time alone 🤣🤣🤣.
Women usually have a tendency of thinking that they can change a man! It will be your greatest mistake if you take that route. Don’t go for a man thinking He will change. When you meet Him assess Him, Is this what you want? consider all the consequences of doing life with this person, what kind of extended family are you about to have? Can you deal with it? what financial habits does he have? will it be a healthy one in the long term? People do grow… but supposing He never changed will you still be fulfilled being married to this person?
Count the cost with the man standing in front of you… don’t go for only potential, alrhough potential is good. At least go for potential that is on its way to expression!
I hope you choose well! Ask the Holy spirit to lead you!
Xo,
Zoe 🌟