My husband and I spoke about a lot of things especially about ourselves and our pasts while dating… and so I was at least paying attention right? Well wrong! I discovered that what I needed to be paying attention to was the meaning behind each of the stories I had been told, their significance, the habits and reflexes these experiences had left him with… those things needed attention.
Where did your partner grow up, what were their childhood like? Did they grow up with both parents or single parents? Did they grow up in a nuclear family or with extended family, or with family friends? As irrelevant as they may seem at the time you’re meeting and falling in love, you will realize that it will determine, how many friends they have, what the boundaries around your home will look like or what family means to them.
“But they wouldn’t do it. “We don’t drink wine,” they said. “Our ancestor Jonadab son of Recab commanded us, ‘You are not to drink wine, you or your children, ever. Neither shall you build houses or settle down, planting fields and gardens and vineyards. Don’t own property. Live in tents as nomads so that you will live well and prosper in a wandering life.’”
Jeremiah 35:6-7 MSG
If you married a man from this family know that you were going to live in a tent because that was the instructions of their fathers… what instructions is your partner working with?
You’re two different people and no matter how much you are on the same page with this person understand that their perspectives and interpretation of life are based on these experiences they have been through. So beyond the story telling seek to understand how they affect your partner’s perspectives.
Do not ignore these signs. If they lacked some things in their childhood understand that once they can afford it they are going to get so much of it even when they clearly have no need for it, and they could easily feel let down or attacked if any of these past experiences should repeat! If they also came from abundance then you must understand that may not be as overly appreciative as you would be for the little things.
Whatever their family looks like is about to be mirrored in your home in the first few months, and you’re going to do same, however since this is neither of your parents’ houses the two of you must finally decide what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. Hopefully in the first six months about 40% of what will become your ideal family culture i.e. , who locks the gates at night, who buys groceries, who pays the bills, whether or not you sit at table for meals, and even whether you you will have a friendly relationship as opposed to a serious one! He or she will most likely treat you like their mom or dad was treated..
There are some very funny things you’re about to observe after living together for a while, and you must be ready to understand and work around those things.
I pray that series has somewhat been of help to you! You be great love,
Xo,
Zoe🌟